A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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