Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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