ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
