corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
