Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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