I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize