Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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