i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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