He asked me if I "almost moaned"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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