I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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