just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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