I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
