Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
