3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
