how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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