I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
