i already hear my dad disowning me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
