i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
