Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
