you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
