U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
