Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize