yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
