I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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