is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Randomize