24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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