So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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