: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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