Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
