What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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