You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
