I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
