from now on my penis is your penis
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.