I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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