i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
