That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
