we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
