Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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