My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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