I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this will be a night to untag.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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