somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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