Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
