I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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