we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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