I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm passing your future prison.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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