I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
