belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
