Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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