there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
