I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
