I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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