So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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