If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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