D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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