Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
