where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your penis caused this!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
