My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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