Need sex. Gaining weight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
