My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize