oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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