Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
