He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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