I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
