Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
