I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she told me i tasted like america
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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