this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
