remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
