My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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